I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
