The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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