i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
