bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
