I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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