babies were throwing up all over the place
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
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We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
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I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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