I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
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but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
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who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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