We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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