can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
