everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
