Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize