dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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