I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
