Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Found your dick twin last night
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
