I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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