I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
