Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
it hurts more in the daytime
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face