worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.