Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic