I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.