Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Randomize
