I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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