pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
And then my night got REAL pukey
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
