oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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