first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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