I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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