Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
