we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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