You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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