Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
