people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
