Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
