What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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