Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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