Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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