We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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