my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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