Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Dicks are not precious.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
