there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Randomize
