help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
