I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
