He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
