he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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