No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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