So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
