please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
