I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
