it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize