I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
