You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
