yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
