dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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