I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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