Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
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Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
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Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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