I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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