Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
