Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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