I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Pants are for mortals
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize