I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
