My hand turned me down
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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