Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
