in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
