can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I want to fling myself into the sun
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
