So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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