I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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